Admission

So, I'm finally ready to say it out loud. I am a fitness dvd whore.

I feel some explanation is in order. You see, my gym membership ran out 4 months ago, or so. And with my life being the way it is, all unsettled, unsure and up in the air I have not yet gotten a new one, not life (well that too), gym membership. What's the point really of renewing when who knew where I'd be?

With summer approaching at the time I figured it was a perfect time to have no gym membership weighing me down and dooming me to 4 hours a week (well probably less) inside, the world could be my gym. I could run on the streets and at the track. I could do lunges across the field, I could lift.......... things. I could stay fit without my beloved treadmill. Right?

So, I have been without a gym membership. So what's become of me?
Well I only run twice a week, for 2 solid reasons #1 when I have the opportunity to go, its hot. #2 Hey child, how about you sit in a non-running stroller for an hour or so? What that's not fun for you? What? You weigh 40 pounds. Oh, never mind, no running with you. Oh yes and the 3rd, (counting is hard) the other option would be getting up early, however I no longer go to bed early on a regular basis so I don't love the idea.

So this is where we are. I have been doomed after all to a life of working out inside to fitness dvds. I've become this fitness dvd expert in MANY MANY ways. I get 2 new dvds from the local library every week, sometimes 3 if I'm feeling really crazy. I search amazon for great deals on fitness dvds. I read reviews on line and in fitness magazines about the best of these dvds, then I seek them out.

When you first begin doing a workout it feels hard because your body and muscles aren't used to the exercise, but after a while it becomes easier, so you have to up your workout, do 2 dvds, be more intense. Keep moving if they stop on the video. Do extra sets pausing the tv if you have to. I've begun picking my favorite bits from each video and switching them after the set is over to another video. So, I'll get an hour in, but have to take breaks to switch the movie.

I find myself wishing for some program that would allow me to combine all these smaller parts of the workout into one dvd that I can love, but change it daily to fit my mood, requirements, etc. In conclusion if this is out there please tell me about it, so my fitness dvd whoreish ways can be made easy, effortless, versatile and amazingly unique each day.

This is just some of the many I have at my house right now.

I see no way around this dvd craze other than waiting an actual stable life taking over my current one. Ahhh, stability. Which brings me to my next point at home fitness stuff isn't too expensive weights, jump ropes, stability balls, stretch cords, kettle bells, the large amount of junk in my trunk which adds to the body weight resistance factor. Why do I mention this? Is it to lure you fancy gym goers into becoming a dvd skank like myself? No. Because then all the good exercise dvds at the library will be checked out when I want them, then how can I jump from one program to the next with the greatest of ease?

So, anyone need any good fitness dvd workout recommendations? You know who to talk to.

So lately, things have been shitty. Okay beyond shitty. What's beyond shitty, you may ask. I'll tell you. It's landfill naked shitty. Not only do I have shitty to deal with, but I'm in a landfill with all its discusting garbage and I myself smell like poop, (or to go along the theme, shit). (But for some reason I think the word "shit" is uglier than "shitty", is that weird)?

Anyway, things are bad. So beyond the constant, uncontrollable weeping that can happen over just about anything, and by that, I mean over everything. There's this accompanying stressed out feeling like my life is doomed and always has been, and probably always will be. Why am I doomed? Weep, weep. Along with the stress 3 monsterous zits have taken over the entire right side of my face, which causes more stress, and more of the damnned weeping.

I no longer sleep, and when I do there's these strange dreams about my own doom-ed-ness. There's no real escape unless I stay really busy and give myself ONE MILLION things to do. Even then it can happen, the weeping. I've found that reading helps as long as the book is captivating enough. So really any amazing book suggestions would be a ton of help.

So as I sit in my own self loathing/sorrow/hatred/misery/beyond shitty-ness one has to wonder what makes it worth it?

You're Late

So on a recent cleaning stint of my old bedroom I found a letter from my old days working at The Hilton. After reading this letter you will realize that we not only had some free time on our hands, but we chose to use it wisely. The letter read:

Dearest Lamey,

I am distressed that you were not on time for your scheduled shift this morning. I don't know how to emphasize the importance of punctuality to you, but your co-workers were disturbed and weeping due to your lack of consideration for not only your job but your teammates were also let down today. I'm not sure why you've chosen to hurt everyone in this way, but the insanity stops here. Even frequent guests were questioning your whereabouts and I was forced to lie and say that an unfortunate surgery mishap took place and you wanted a professional to look at your new and extra appendages. This fooled them temporarily, but the fact that I'm going to Hell for having to lie on your behalf is more than I can take. I hope you're happy with the decisions you're making today, and the effects it had on the entire staff as well as hotel guests. To make up for the 10 minutes of agony we all had to go through we ask that you complete the following survey that has nothing to do with being late or work related instances. We do however ask that you do complete this in a timely manner to prove you're a changed woman who is sorry for her behaviors.

1. Do you pee in the pool or get out?

2. If you DO pee in the pool do you blame someone else?

3. Which of these do you think make better combinations pickle monkey, squirrel toast, or band-aid juice?

4. Have you now or ever thought of Manica as more than just a friend?

5. Are you uneasy when it snows or rains?

6. When driving do you look in the rear view mirror and pick your nose hoping no one is looking? Never mind don't answer that I saw you once and have never felt the same about yo since.

I hope this taught you a valuable lesson regarding your tardiness. Please remember we are all counting on you Amy, please don't let us down again.

Thank You,
Clock Watcher Staff # 4



My one question upon reading this was how more employers have not implemented this into their tardy policies. If an employee is 10 minutes late they have to fill out a meaningless yet insightful survey. 15-20 minutes late they must choreograph a short yet meaningful dance which incorporates maracas. 20-30 they must throw together a fund raiser in 30 minutes or less, if they don't raise more than $500 for a local food bank during this fund raiser, they're fired. That's all I'm sayin'.

Growing up, Growing old, Growing Restless

Awhile back I went out to dinner with some girls/women/peeps from high school. We do dinners to celebrate birthdays, I love going, and talking and catching up. There's something so nice about seeing friends who I grew up with, and have known for so long. The drama of high school is gone, we have kids, relationships, jobs, hobbies, and varied interests. Everything has changed in our lives, but friendships remain.

Anyway, after that long, dragged out explanation, age was brought up, (we were celebrating a birthday after all.) This got me thinking about late teens/early 20's, and the mentality that filled my brain. I was trying to figure out life, myself, relationships, people, and the world. To be honest it was overwhelming at times, and I was so naive, to well. .. .. everything.

I spent college dating guys who weren't good for me, or to me at times. I feel at times I have spent my life trying to capture the attention of that special someone only to realize what an ass they actually were, how frustrating. Maybe we've all been there, not really understanding what it was we would actually gain, but knew we wanted........ something.

I feel lately like I'm in a funk. I want more in my life. I want it all. I want a good job that I'm proud of. I want to be a good mom, I want to be proud of educational accomplishments. I want to be smart, and interesting. I want a solid foundation to stand on. I want to not be so selffish. I want to be fit. I want to cook well, and read good books, and have insightful things to say about them. I want to burst into dance at random intervals and not care who's watching. I want someone who'll dance with me.

Five years ago my life was different. My goals, aspirations, and perspectives were on a much different level. I want more now, I expect more out of myself. Which makes me wonder what's going to happen in another five years. What will I want then? When will I step back and look at my life, and say, yeah I'm doing good I'm where I want to be I'm content?

I often wonder if anyone else feels this restlessness that is my constant companion. I wonder if it'll ever go away. Or if the older I get the worse it'll become. I look at these friends I have known for several years, and some of us are in the same places and some of us are not. I sometimes wish I knew someone once felt this way and now no longer does. I want to know that it'll go away with the next degree or the big job, or a good book, or a race well run. I want to know that eventually I'll be able to stop searching.

Happiness!!!! LA la la loooo mmmmmm...

MY list of happy things in no particular order:

- A good Run

- Crepes with fresh strawberries buried in the middle

- Car dancing
- Kitchen dancing
-Bathroom Mirror dancing
-Bedroom dancing, no not that kind, I mean actual dancing here people.

- Frightened Rabbitt, my new favorite band obsession

-When the little boy dresses himself, it can be quite ridiclious and quite entertaining

- A good pair of jeans

- My bed, my deliciously comfortable, amazing bed

- Laughing about silly things with my girlfriends

- Texting nonsense to pass time at work

-Reading a good book

-The possibility of a new adventure

-Traveling to new places

-Sitting on the beach

-My beach cruiser, I miss you Lady, and hope to ride you soon

- When I have a good hair day

- Dresses, don't tell anyone I put on a sour face like I hate them, but seriously don't mind having an occasional occasion to wear them

- The feeling after a good workout

- Visiting new restaurants

-Talking to the lil boy in the mornings when he comes in my bed, and still being amazed about the things he says

- My Life as Liz, yes the MTV show, I love that girl

HAPPY DAY ALL!!!