Anymore?

Is it wrong to hope for a better life? To wonder if this is all there really is? I feel like I have joy and happiness one second and the next it slips straight out of my hand and reality sets in, and life is left wanting. I'm not trying to sound depressed or depressing. I just want more, I look back on my life and have to wonder where did it go? Where was time spent, and have the choices I made inevitably lead to my doom? Not that my life is doom, its just a hard thing to think that my choices, the small and large ones, don't affect all factors of my existence. That the people I have allowed in my life haven't changed my course of fate. Is every single person we meet supposed to effect our lives in one way or another. I'm not meaning to get philosophical. I want to know what path in life I am supposed to take, and wondering the what-ifs, of past lives. All I know is relationships should teach us something. I hung up the phone tonight on a man who refuses to listen to anything I have to say, but becomes infuriated when I interrupt what he is saying. I can't stand him most of the time because of the simple fact that he was too immature and wrapped up in himself to realize a good thing when he had it, after it was gone "it's all he thinks about". And its not that I'm bitter or mad because as I have stated to others it hurts my soul to harbor those feelings, and that is not worth it to me. I just wish that I could have a mental cleanse.
On a brighter note it was warm today, which made the day much better, now if only I lived by a beach and a dock that over looked the water, I'd take a novel out and read in a lounge chair in the afternoons.