Sunday, January 30, 2011

One nap please.....

Really. Truly. When did squeezing in a nap become more difficult then stuffing a size 16 booty into a size 2 pair of jeans? Hmmmmmm?
Because really, truly all I want is a nap. Just an hour long restful, quiet, peaceful nap.
The main problem is my work schedules. The secondary problem is the on the days I am home to take a nap, the child has no interest in my plan.
So, really the bags under my eyes, the slowness in my step, the tired ache in my voice they'll never go away.
I have turned myself over to a napless life.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Faux Thanksgiving,,,,

Dear blogging world, last night I had the joy of having faux Thanksgiving dinner (Actually it was my sister's [sister pictured here, isn't she pretty?] birthday dinner, but who's to say it can't act as both)?

Let's begin with me explaining why I needed a faux Thanksgiving dinner. Once I heard about the enticing time and a half pay at work, added on top of the 3 year old being with his father, I saw no sense in wasting this wonderful working opportunity.

It was really an all day event for me. I spent most of the day in the kitchen preparing different things, which I don't like doing everyday, but every once in awhile this can make me feel quite good about life on the whole. The other fabulous thing about this faux night was all my siblings were there. There was no turkey but there was deliciousness in other forms. Mind you the food was not my favorite part, which I don't say about very many meals (Welcome to the mind of a chubby kid). My favorite part was the many slightly awkward moments that passed in our conversation. Where to start? . .. . .. .. . . .
(Mini cupcakes, all 60 frosted and coated with sprinked deliciousness).

Earlier the same day the 3 year old had been holding a plastic cup with jellybeans in it, and was making an awful lot of noise jumping around shaking it. While doing this he was singing, "Shake, shake shake, shake your penis." Obviously teaching the anatomically correct parts to a 2 year old can and does/did backfire. This lead into talk about the correct thing to call body parts. Now, obviously our special parts don't have pretty names let's not kid ourselves, however leave it to my mother to decide that "Twat" was a better name to call our lady parts than anything else. "Twat" really? As if the vagina needed an uglier name than it already has. This was decided at the dinner table over cord on bleu, thanks mom!! Would you like a little twat talk with your salad anyone?

My junior high trauma was also brought up. Which one you ask? ....Well, in 7th grade two friends and I decided we would try out for choir. For those of you who have heard me sing you can understand my voice is not one to be shared in a non sarcastic setting. Its not good. To make matters worse I sang "You Lie" by Reba MCentire. For those of you who have never heard this song please go you tube it now. I'll wait. .. .. . .. .. A very high pitched song, no? Very high. No one tried to stop me from humiliating myself by singing a song that was way out of my range. Not a soul. And no, I didn't make choir, thank you very much!! So, we revisited this moment just so I would know it was remembered. You know the moment I've spent years trying to forget.

Someone had asked me earlier in the week if my brothers were gorgeous, I brought this to the table's attention to get every one's opinions. My sister decided their beauty was only skin deep. She said this out loud, mostly because the girl's mother who told my sister, mother and I that our beauty was only skin deep was sitting at the table. She didn't get it. For the record my outlandishly obvious, remarkable unexplainable beauty is, for the record, only skin deep. At least I'm in good company with my family being in the same boat though.(one of the brothers in question.)

The night ended with a dance. This for once was not my doing. It was better than my doing. It was my sister in law's outrageous, well rehearsed sexy stripper dancing. She waited until all but me and my bro had cleared out. After she had taken off her coat and thrust it to the floor she proceeded to go down into a squat against the wall as if it were a pole. As if this in and of itself weren't good enough my dad walked out of the bathroom at just that moment. Picked up her coat for her as she picked herself off the ground. She shamefully took the coat, as well as my applause!!!(the other brother in question, as well as his wife. You know the one with the moves. Don't let the babies fool you, she's no uptight mommy).

My point is my Faux Thanksgiving/sister's b-day dinner kicked ass. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

With much Love, Amy

Monday, November 15, 2010

I ate, and ate and then. .. ..well you get the idea.

I had the absolute pleasure of going to "A Taste of Salt Lake" last Saturday at Grand America Hotel, and I gotta tell you it was the best night I've had in ages.

There was food EVERYWHERE!!! It literally lined the walls, it surrounded me, it engulfed me, then I engulfed it. I got to dress up. Not the Halloween kind of dress up, which I also love. The fancy kind, which is initially stressful, but turns wonderful.

So, So, the event was a fundraiser for cystic fibrosis, and there were auctions going on and such. Multiple restaurants were there dishing out some of their signature dishes, just in little sample sizes, which was perfectly dangerous. Every time I returned to the table I was carrying 2 plates. I'm not joking. I literally ate/drank myself silly. I was a giggling stuffed woman by the end of the night. It was spectacular!!

This is after the eating.... I told you,feeling good.

These were the most delicious strawberries, I LOVED them. I ate 3 of them, and could've eaten more. They were SO GOOD!!!

I got my picture with these girls. Look how little they are, I could just put them in my pocket. . .. .

Some of the restaurants that were there Thaifoon, P.F Changs, Log Haven, La Caille, The Melting Pot, Tuscany, The Roof, Rodizio, Flemings, Cafe Niche, Nothing Bundt Cakes, etc. etc. etc..... ETC....

My point is if you ever get the chance to go to this event do not turn it down. I tell you, you will not regret going.

Friday, September 17, 2010


So, I'm finally ready to say it out loud. I am a fitness dvd whore.

I feel some explanation is in order. You see, my gym membership ran out 4 months ago, or so. And with my life being the way it is, all unsettled, unsure and up in the air I have not yet gotten a new one, not life (well that too), gym membership. What's the point really of renewing when who knew where I'd be?

With summer approaching at the time I figured it was a perfect time to have no gym membership weighing me down and dooming me to 4 hours a week (well probably less) inside, the world could be my gym. I could run on the streets and at the track. I could do lunges across the field, I could lift.......... things. I could stay fit without my beloved treadmill. Right?

So, I have been without a gym membership. So what's become of me?
Well I only run twice a week, for 2 solid reasons #1 when I have the opportunity to go, its hot. #2 Hey child, how about you sit in a non-running stroller for an hour or so? What that's not fun for you? What? You weigh 40 pounds. Oh, never mind, no running with you. Oh yes and the 3rd, (counting is hard) the other option would be getting up early, however I no longer go to bed early on a regular basis so I don't love the idea.

So this is where we are. I have been doomed after all to a life of working out inside to fitness dvds. I've become this fitness dvd expert in MANY MANY ways. I get 2 new dvds from the local library every week, sometimes 3 if I'm feeling really crazy. I search amazon for great deals on fitness dvds. I read reviews on line and in fitness magazines about the best of these dvds, then I seek them out.

When you first begin doing a workout it feels hard because your body and muscles aren't used to the exercise, but after a while it becomes easier, so you have to up your workout, do 2 dvds, be more intense. Keep moving if they stop on the video. Do extra sets pausing the tv if you have to. I've begun picking my favorite bits from each video and switching them after the set is over to another video. So, I'll get an hour in, but have to take breaks to switch the movie.

I find myself wishing for some program that would allow me to combine all these smaller parts of the workout into one dvd that I can love, but change it daily to fit my mood, requirements, etc. In conclusion if this is out there please tell me about it, so my fitness dvd whoreish ways can be made easy, effortless, versatile and amazingly unique each day.

This is just some of the many I have at my house right now.

I see no way around this dvd craze other than waiting an actual stable life taking over my current one. Ahhh, stability. Which brings me to my next point at home fitness stuff isn't too expensive weights, jump ropes, stability balls, stretch cords, kettle bells, the large amount of junk in my trunk which adds to the body weight resistance factor. Why do I mention this? Is it to lure you fancy gym goers into becoming a dvd skank like myself? No. Because then all the good exercise dvds at the library will be checked out when I want them, then how can I jump from one program to the next with the greatest of ease?

So, anyone need any good fitness dvd workout recommendations? You know who to talk to.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

So lately, things have been shitty. Okay beyond shitty. What's beyond shitty, you may ask. I'll tell you. It's landfill naked shitty. Not only do I have shitty to deal with, but I'm in a landfill with all its discusting garbage and I myself smell like poop, (or to go along the theme, shit). (But for some reason I think the word "shit" is uglier than "shitty", is that weird)?

Anyway, things are bad. So beyond the constant, uncontrollable weeping that can happen over just about anything, and by that, I mean over everything. There's this accompanying stressed out feeling like my life is doomed and always has been, and probably always will be. Why am I doomed? Weep, weep. Along with the stress 3 monsterous zits have taken over the entire right side of my face, which causes more stress, and more of the damnned weeping.

I no longer sleep, and when I do there's these strange dreams about my own doom-ed-ness. There's no real escape unless I stay really busy and give myself ONE MILLION things to do. Even then it can happen, the weeping. I've found that reading helps as long as the book is captivating enough. So really any amazing book suggestions would be a ton of help.

So as I sit in my own self loathing/sorrow/hatred/misery/beyond shitty-ness one has to wonder what makes it worth it?