Since Valentines Day is my absolute favorite holiday, the most necessary, and not a huge waste of a holiday, I decided to write a list of do's and don't in honor of this ever special day....
THE DO'S
Do: Shave your head leaving only a patch of hair in the shape of a broken heart. Dye this chunk of hair black. Big or small heart it matters not. Use this as an outward expression of your broken black soul.
Do: Sit outside Hallmark with an old school ghetto blaster playing, "I'm Lonely" over and over again until the store manager asks you to leave or he'll have the proper authorities show you off the premises. As you go carry your ghetto blaster on your shoulder, song still playing. Make sure not to cover up the broken heart on your head.
Do: Ring people's doorbells then run into the middle of their front lawns where they're sure to see you, and scream "STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!" (The ghetto blaster is optional).
Do: Go out to a nice restaurant by yourself Valentine's night, stare at couples intently, if they shift uncomfortably, that's fine. If they throw food at you, fine. If they get a different table, fine, request to move with them. If they invite you to join them for dinner, great, say you don't want to intrude, take your drink and join them as you're saying this, show them your ghetto blaster at this point.
THE DONT'S
The thing is there, really aren't any don'ts about Valentine's Day, other than don't hate on couples for wanting to use this day to express their undying devotion for one another. So what if they choose to do so in public, for all to see? The smooching, hugging, codling, rubbing their noses together, gazing into one another's eyes, sharing the same un-naturally long strand of spaghetti, and meeting in the middle of their candlelit table for a marinara kiss. All you need is love right? So go forth lovers, love on!!!!
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